I'm Not Where I Want to Be

There are times in my life as a Christian where I realize that I am simply not where I want to be.  I am not referring to contentment or even circumstance, but of my relationship with the Lord.  I sometimes get comfortable with feeling great about life and enjoying the joy that comes from the Lord, and I get off track in my walk with Him.  I get distracted by all of the things He has given me, and I forget to keep in often communication with Him.  I want my relationship with Him to be more than just thanking Him for His blessings and asking for His help and forgiveness.  That feels so skin deep and I crave a closer relationship than that.  Why do I forget that this is so important to me? 

I have been feeling lately like things just aren't right.  Life is going well, etc., but things feel...off.  I realized that my conversations with God for a while now have been very short and not really touching on the issues of my heart.  I desire that feeling of oneness with the Lord that comes only from sharing my deepest thoughts, worries, and hopes with my Savior.  He is the only One who understands all of me and the only One who can give me peace.  I have discovered myself, to my own shame, seeking for His answers, in all of the wrong places.  I talk to others about my life and hypothesize with them about what God might be doing, and ask for their advice, etc. I listen to Christian radio sermons and read Christian literature and look for Him there.  These are all resources that speak of God from someone else's viewpoint based on their experience with Him.  How can I expect someone else to know what God would have to say to me about my very specific issues?  It is as if I needed to get some advice from a friend (let's name him Bob).  Imagine that for some reason I avoided asking Bob directly, but instead asked everyone else who knew Bob what they thought he might say.  Wouldn't that seem silly?  If Bob was the only one who could answer my question, and no one else could possibly know what he would say to me, wouldn't it only make sense for me to go ask Bob?  Why do I play beat around the bush games with God?  Am I the only one who does this? 

Anyways, I have been making a decided effort over the past few days to speak to God often and search my heart for anything that I might need to lay down at His feet.  It feels so good!  I encourage any and all who are reading this to share each matter on your heart directly with God, even in just a quick prayer, the instant it troubles your mind.  It brings such peace and it's the only way to resolve those issues.  Happy communion with Him and may you experience more and more intimate fellowship with Him each day!

The Secret to Contentedness

Last Sunday, the pastor said something that stuck with my husband and I. He said that people who aren't content aren't thankful. (Something along those lines- I forget his exact wording.) The point is that contentedness and thankfulness go hand in hand.  I have been dealing with some discontent in my heart and attitude lately, so when I reflected on this statement by the pastor, I felt rather surprised. I thought I was a thankful person. In general, I am not a person to complain or dwell on the things that I don't have; rather, when I think of something I wish I had (like a washer and dryer in my home) I try to think of how much more privileged my situation is than so many others (i.e. at least I have access to a washer and a dryer unlike many impoverished people in other countries).I thought about it some more. I may feel thankful, or talk myself into being thankful after I catch myself grumbling, but do I take any deliberate actions to act thankful towards the Lord? If He couldn't read my heart, and only heard my words and saw my actions, would He know that I am thankful? What do I do everyday that says clearly: "I am thankful to the Lord."?

I felt a bit ashamed when I couldn't think of anything I do except pray with my husband and children at mealtimes and before bed. A few thank-yous at routine prayer times just didn't seem like they were properly conveying my thankfulness in a way that was impacting my heart and attitude. So, I am trying to take some steps everday to work a little more thankfulness into my life, and hopefully my attitude. The first thing I've started doing may seem a bit simple and some might think it would not be enough to make a difference, but I think babysteps are the way to work in a new habit, or mindset in this case.

Here is a picture of the little dry erase board that hangs in our kitchen. I've used it to display reminders, quotes, scriptures, even a daily menu.  It's new purpose is as a "Thankfulness Board". Each morning, while finishing breakfast with the children, I write down things that our family is thankful for. Aiden adds things he is thankful for which, today, are: bananas, cereal, cars, flowers, tissue, monkeys, hats, and "smile faces". 

Aiden decided to finish his Cheerios this morning by making each bite into a "smile face" as he calls it.  He is so cute and smart, sometimes its hard for me to believe that he's only two : )

When Aiden told me that he is thankful for smile faces, I realized that I am, too.  Not just the Cheerio kind : )  I have a hunch that our new Thankfulness Board is going to help bring about a few more smile faces in our home.  Try it out, and you might see some in yours, too.

Trusting Him

"As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother's womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things." -Ecclesiastes 11:5 (NIV)

Okay, so this was BibleGateway.com's verse for today, and when I read it this morning, I felt like it was exactly what God has been hammering into my brain. Not just that God has plans that I don't understand, so I shouldn't worry about the future, etc. It's also speaking to some of my frustrations in life right now: feeling very large and pregnant with still 2 1/2 months left (not that I'm feeling over eager to go through labor any time soon-yikes!), dreaming of a washer and dryer in my home and no more hauling dirty/wet/peed! laundry to a laundry room where the washers may/may not be functioning correctly (we live in an apartment with no hookups), etc. The large and pregnant thing is probably just a good trial to remind me that God is ultimately in control, no matter how much I try to be. The washer and dryer thing: lessons in patience, trusting in the Lord's timing, gratefulness for all of the blessings that I have, and...a good workout on my arms? : )

So, if anyone is feeling like: "What is going on in my life right now?" or "Why is __ happening to me?" Just remember: "And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28 (NASB) God is in control of all things; even the things that we think only matter to us-even the things that we think are petty or too insignificant to even mention to anyone. God loves us and cares about all of the minute details of our lives. I guess if God cares enough to notice and hear all of my woes, I can make a little more effort to trust Him with them? After all, He's the only One with the power to change anything, right?

Oops! I forgot the pictures!

Here are the kiddos just after I put the water out to play with. I will try to post an After picture as well, because I predict some mud in the forecast : )

First Water Play of the Year

It is starting to warm up in our neck of the woods, and I decided to give the kids their first official outdoor water playtime of the year. It has been met with much enthusiasm and other than trying to wiggle 14 month old (chubby) Caitlin into her swim diaper and then two pieces of swimwear (did I mention chubby?), it has been an easy and relaxing way to spend the afternoon. Aiden (who'll be 3 in September) remembers water play fondly and couldn't wait to get suited up. Caitlin, who was only a few months old last summer, is getting to experience all of this wonderous wetness with the excitement of someone who has just made a new friend. She has moved into the dirt and will probably soon discover mud, so I will post some pictures of the cooled-off cuties, and head out there to supervise.